My Pet Zombie Webisodes

The definition of Nosferatu, according to Brandon Mendelson:

1. A web miniseries meant to take place between when Dracula And Kittens is signed to a book deal and released to the general public.

2. Usually reserved for vampires, pulling a “nosferatu” refers to sneaking into your friend’s house to sleep with their mother.

E.G.

Scott: I heard you slept with my mom last night.

Ian: I did. I totally pulled a nosferatu. … How did …

Scott: I said, I heard you.

Ian: But you said it as if you heard from someone else.

Scott: I did not!

Ian: Yeah. You did. But … while we’re talking, how do you feel about calling me Daddy?

A Miniseries? Aren’t You Jumping The Gun Here?

Lets pretend Dracula And Kittens gets Halle Berry-hot and pulls in a million uniques by October 31st, 2010. What a world that would be. I imagine it as one where everyone owns a kitten, death is optional, and there is parity in the NBA.

Also: There are dragons.

A million in a year seems to be the magic number a blog must reach to get published:

Like A Boss!

If we can reach 1,000,000, we should be able to grab a publisher’s attention. And by we, I mean a reputable agent working on my behalf. Reputable, in this case, refers to an agent who doesn’t eat out of a dumpster.

If that happens, or if we’re offered a book deal before then, Dracula And Kittens will stop releasing new chapters. How do I fill the void until the book comes out?

Count Orlock has something to say:

Now Dracula, Im really happy for you, and imma let you finish, but Nosferatu is one of the best vampire films of all time. One of the best films of all time!

Usually a year (or more) goes by between a book getting signed and hitting shelves. I want Dracula And Kittens to hit so hard, you would think Ragnarok was going down in the middle of the store.

I thought a Nosferatu parody, performed by the fictional cast of My Pet Zombie,  would be a great way to keep interest in that time and build demand for the book’s release.

… Or totally keep people from buying it. In which case, Plan B! Check out the cover for the DIY printing of Dracula And Kittens:

I’m shallow enough to buy 100,000 copies with this cover, are you?

The miniseries’s production and clips would be documented here on the blog in place of new chapters. Ever notice how, when a blogger gets a book deal, they barely blog? Yeah. I think that’s bullshit too.

There will be six, twenty minute episodes, and the episodes would incorporate elements of Dracula And Kittens, but done in the same way Nosferatu incorporated elements of Bram Stoker’s Dracula. It’s there, just slightly different and featuring some cool new stuff like rats that squeak, “We are legion”. And of course, you’ll get to see some of what the characters in Dracula And Kittens are watching as Nosferatu is being performed by the cast of My Pet Zombie.

That’s right. We’re getting meta mother fuckers! We have actors playing actors who are acting. In other words:

I’m hoping any sort of book deal for Dracula And Kittens would help pay for the miniseries, making it commercial free, but I can’t promise you that. If I’m lucky enough to fall between Julie Powell and Gary Vaynerchuck, I should be able to cover the miniseries (and pay off my student loans.)

Oh, and I’m pretty sure Halle Berry will not appear in or endorse any of this project. So don’t get your hopes up, not even a little, that you might see her pop up. I do promise though, if we even get close to putting this together, I will at least contact her agent.

Until we’re ready to film, you can check out the 1922 film Nosferatu, in its entirety, right here. Enjoy!